I'm gonna write this in one take...

Once upon a time there was a boy who loved nothing more to do then do photography, art, music, run around in fields, write poetry. then once upon a time had the burden of university thrust upon him, the prospect of working part time and the probable self-inflicted damage alcohol has had to his brain, I can't turn back from the path, just want to escape and be ME. Instead, I have this annoying creative block which I can't get round. Ideas are never as lucid or free as it used to be. Psychology in itself reduces the human condition into mere experimental, statistical data and well f*** all i want to do is just be a kid or teenager again it was so much f***ing easier and i'm probably angry because back in the day when I did mess up my mind with loads of substances I used to be someone who would daydream and would draw every single day non-stop but doing so now just me makes very upset and nostalgic. I know it sounds pathetic but whenever I try to draw I can't because I know I will not get it finished to the way I want it, I need a whole day of planning an artwork or music piece aswell as continously being inspired. the landscape around me is TOTALLY UNINSPIRING. Just lots of chavvy dickheads on benefits with fifteen million children, pollution and fried chicken boxes littered everywhere I mean f*** London.

I WILL get over this 'fear', but jeez I hate this so much because I've become a former shadow of what I used to be and now I'm just trying to get by in this so called bullshit 'real world'. It feels like I don't have a choice or say in my own personal development, it's like you either choose the path of science, art, or none at all, there is very little freedom to do both because the more I get older the more I realise 'Hey...time is short, you have to make a decision' waht if I want to start a band in my mid twenties but find my guitar playing skills are non-existant? Or what if an artist wanted to contribute to science but was prevented because there degree wasn't relevant? It's like the only way to become 'great' at something is to pursue one path and ignore the next. I hope this is just a sympton of me going into the third year because I do not want to get into the 'mortgage crap' and sign my life way into a dull existence watching X Factor on the brainwashing box...